This is a subject that's stuck with me for a long time. I've seen the issue of male tears and the shaming attached to it addressed from multiple angles and perspectives. Your average man will claim that crying is simply "unmanly" and discourage anyone with a Y chromosome from doing so. Feminists claim that men not being allowed to cry is an instance of so-called Toxic Masculinity and that they should be allowed to express themselves however they want. And then there are other people unfamiliar with the issue and don't see why it's such a big deal in the first place.
In my case, I'm conflicted. I've been shamed for crying before, even by family members. But I've also seen what happens to men that don't cry. They bottle up their emotions and let them build up until they inevitably explode. Apparently, explosions of anger are much more manly than crying.
So why is crying looked upon so negatively for men (and women to a lesser extent)? It's because of what crying represents. Shedding tears is the ultimate expression of vulnerability in your life. It is an admission that you're not in control of what's happening, that you're not okay, despite all attempts to the contrary. It means that you need help and time in order to be okay again, which is a really strong contrast to this world of impatience and instant gratification. All of these things fly in the face of the traditional definition of manhood. The traditional man is never allowed to express any emotions other than anger. He has to be in control of every situation all the time and willing to defend his manliness for any reason. This can include risking his life for a total stranger, usually a woman, and getting himself killed just because it would be unmanly to walk away. But even that horrible fate is still preferably to being marked as unmanly. For then, the man must live forever with labels of "wimp", "coward", "chicken", or if you're uncouth, "p***y."
Also, people seem to have a notable reluctance for shedding tears for men. The death of a child is seen as an unspeakable evil or an unthinkable tragedy that can bring people to their knees even years later. The death of a woman is also seen as a tragedy and oftentimes a rallying cry for action to be taken in order to prevent future incidents from repeating. A man's death isn't really dwelt upon other than as a statistic.
And what do all of these beliefs lead to? A really high suicide rate. According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, not only was the rate of suicide in 2017 highest in middle-aged white men, but also that men were 3.54 times more likely to die by suicide compared to women. And while these statistics are naturally the result of multiple factors, such as the increasing amount of contempt for men in the mainstream media, I feel that the lack of allowance for male emotional release only serves to make the problem worse overall.
If I stuck to this kind of mindset, I would have killed myself a long time ago. Even at age 26 at the time of this writing, I've already had to endure the deaths of all four grandparents, a broken family, issues with attachment, my Asperger's Syndrome, loss of friends, multiple near-death experiences, and a whole bunch of other things.
The Bible puts it best. "There is a time to weep and a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dance." (Ecclesiastes 3:4) If Jesus could stop what he was doing and cry, it's okay for the rest of us too.
Men need to be allowed to process their emotions and feelings just like everyone else. To deny them that is to constrain their development and damage their emotional health. Trying to be tough instead only suppresses the problem; it doesn't resolve it. So no matter how unmanly it seems; if you're feeling torn up about something, find a place where you can be alone and let those prayers run down your face.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go shed some tears myself.
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